Of Forwarded Vids from FoxNEWS

So I got this video clip from FoxNoise in a forwared email a few days ago. As usual with their blather, it sent me into a bit of a tizzy. The results are posted below, but to give you a sense of my experience up to now I thought I'd include the text of the original forwarded message.

I got it from a friend of mine, and even at this point I'm not totally sure how she feels about it, or how she expected me to react.

Subject line: Fwd: Fwd: A 36 second video. You won't believe what you hear

Oooh... sounds good so far, yeah? Intriguing.

First response (from my friend):

OK - REALLY?!!! Exciting, but I still don't even know what its about.

From the person prior to my friend:

A sign of things to come....... Ah, a harbinger. But of what? Sorrow? Victory? Tell me more!

And before that:

Grrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!! We need to revolt !!!! A growl, a call for revolution, and 13 exclamation points! Allright... this is sounding better and better. Let's get to the clip and see what all the fuss is about, shall we? I'm dying to know.

Ah, fuck. Not this shit again.

So - being me - I had to respond. I hate my drive to do this to my friends, since they're not really the Windmills I want to tilt at, but in situations like this I only have the one outlet. So I sent the following email:

I respectfully decline to comment at this time, as there are not enough hours in the day to explain why that channels broadcasting privileges should be revoked.

To which she responded:

Dost thou knowest something of this channel in particular which the rest of us are unaware?? (I don't even know what channel it was...)

First of all, no she doesn't really talk like that. Its a long story... we're weird.

But to not know what network had ellicited the above responses and caused her to forward their drivel to her address book? Unacceptable. The logo is right there throughout the entire clip. Can I pray that people will check their sources before blindly sending me shit? Agree with it or not, but please know from whence it came. What if it was from the Charles Manson, David Koresh or Tim McVeigh collection? Would you have passed it on? Apparently.

So, once again - I had to respond:

Just a sec... need to step up onto my soapbox... Okay, here goes:

Rupert Murdoch's FoxNEWS... entertainment and opinion masquerading as journalism.

That extremely biased/one-sided clip is a perfect example. Starts off with the admission that there is "urgent need" for firefighters due to "2 dozen MAJOR wildfires".

Ignoring the Volunteer (by which I mean they're the ones who've stepped-up, not that they're working for free) aspect of the "new recruits", the "report" becomes a biased op-ed on foreigners costing American jobs. Only slight allusion is made to the fact that crew bosses are being laid-off or demoted - not fired. It ignores the fact that this is likely a temporary situation, steps taken to get through the current crisis.

The report completely ignores the fact that these firefighters are willing to run into the most dangerous type of fire, risking their lives in the process. I guess only American-born firefighters are worthy of the title of hero, huh?

Why not require the workers to speak English? DUH!!! There is an urgent NEED (see above) for firefighters to battle 2 dozen major wildfires!!

If your house was in the path of one of those fires, would you be worried about what language the guys with the hoses were speaking? Or would you just be thankful they were there?

Virtually every story on that network can be picked apart in much the same way. Adding insult to injury is the fact that their tag-line is "fair and balanced". Nothing could be further from the truth. If they're going to call themselves a News channel, they should be required to practice actual journalism. Otherwise, they should be categorized as what they are: an entertainment channel pandering to the neo-con agenda and the politics of fear. Or their broadcasting license should be rescinded.

My .02.

<---- off soapbox.

Which I thought was a fairly even-handed response that succinctly described my feelings about FNC and the immigration debate.

She likes to fan my flames though, so she sent me this:

Oooh... While I agree with you fully that we should make whatever adjustments are necessary to meet an urgent need, I think this might the part where I respectfully decline to suggest that ALL of the other "news" channels sway to the left? Just an instinct... I DO love a well-informed and eloquent opinion, though!! Have I thy permission to forward your rebut to he who sent the original to me? (Yet another highly-opinioned Irish man named Kevin...)

I admit to being a little blindsided by the "I agree..." line. I still feel that if she really did, she wouldn't have been forwarding that clip, but now the whole "left wing conspiracy" angle had been proposed. Likely her fanning my flames again, but it opened a floodgate that resulted in the email I sent this evening:

I happen to disagree with the notion that most media outlets are left-leaning, since we only hear that from neo-cons and the radical right, but okay... lets say they are. Leaning in one direction is one thing... being at the farthest reaches of that direction is another. One can lean to one side and still offer unbiased reporting. To be clear... it isn't the fact that Fox is to the extreme right that bothers me. It is the fact that they pretend to be otherwise. And most of their target demographic can't be bothered to look elsewhere to recognize the difference. For example; Limbaugh's fans (I know he's not on Fox, but it's the same demographic) are called "Dittoheads" for a reason. They just parrot everything he says without a moment's reflection or comparitive research. They're sheep. Scary and sad at the same time.

An example of a left-leaning but fair network is MSNBC. Which employs pundits from both sides of the aisle. Sometimes they report, sometimes they opine. What I like about them is that they are clear about which they are doing at a given moment, and everyone is allowed to have their say. Unlike O'Reilly on Fox who will shout down a dissenting guest, or even have their mic shut off if they're making too much sense. MSNBC as a whole is more lefty, for sure. I'm not claiming otherwise. Just that they have actual GOP members and conservatives on-staff. Fox has Colmes... panty-waist token Dem who only serves as Hannity's whipping boy. Its a joke.

If you fully agree with me that drastic times call for drastic measures... I'm wondering why you sent the clip? Not being smarmy, actually curious.

Sure, you can send my rantings along to Mr. Kevin if you wish. If he sent the original out of a sense of outrage akin to the pulse of the clip, you might want to send him this one, as well. If he sent it (as I can only hope and pray) to say: "Look at the BS Fox is pandering now." This one will be mere preaching to the choir.

Not sure I want to get into another debate about immigration though.

First, as a descendant of Irish immigrants - I know well the stories of how they were treated when they first came to this country. "No Irish Need Apply" and so on. Maybe I have a soft-spot for immigrants, shouldn't we all? Ever go to an Irish of our parent's or grand-parent's generation and ask them how they feel about the word Paddy? If you ever try it, make sure you take a few steps back first. Second, I wrote a research paper on immigration about a year ago and the actual facts of the matter are startlingly different than what most people believe them to be. Third, I've lived and worked with immigrants my whole life, both legal and illegal. The majority of the time, it is a myth that even illegal immigrants are working for substantially less money than their American counterparts. The reason they get hired (especially Mexican immigrants, in my experience) is that they work harder, longer and with a smile. They lac k the nauseating sense of entitlement that most of us Americans have.

Give a Mexican worker a shovel, point to a spot on the ground and tell him to dig. He will dig until you come back and tell him to stop. The American will come find you every 5 minutes to ask: "Uh... is this deep enough?" And then sigh dejectedly and shuffle back toward the slight impression he's created when you say no. If you're the boss and are offering both workers the same wage, which one are you going to keep and which one are you going to fire? And what do you suppose the lazy-ass you fired is going to tell his friends and family? That he lost his job to a more talented, more dedicated, more loyal worker? Hell no. He's going to say a Mexican stole his job.

We've become a nation of complacent people who aspire toward mediocrity.

When I was working on my research paper, I was still working construction. Several of the subcontractors on the job I was running at the time employed mostly Mexican and Brazilian workers. I asked every one of them about it. From roofing to painting to landscaping to framing to drywall, they all told me the same things. Their pay scale was roughly the same as ours (my company employed mostly Americans), from 7 or 8 bucks an hour up to around 25. Most of their guys were making around 15 to 20 dollars an hour, just like in our company. So why use them? Simple. They show up on time every day. They work overtime and weekends or in the heat, cold and rain whenever its needed without complaint. They don't drink or do drugs on the job. They work efficiently and constantly all day long and take pride in their work. And they do it all with a smile on their face. All for the same cost of the cry-baby Americans who have to have their hands hel d throughout the day, call in sick when they're really just hung over, show up late, leave early and complain constantly.

And what is our "Patriotic" response to this phenomenon? Do we strive to become more reliable, efficient and hardworking? Gosh, no. That would take too much effort. Instead we say "put up a fence!" and "they're increasing the crime rate and driving down property values!" and "they're criminals! Kick them out! All of them! Right freaking NOW!"

Forget the fact that none of our ancestors had to go through the rigamarole that's required these days to come here. They didn't have to come up with the equivalent of 5 years salary just to apply for citizenship. They just had to GET here. Were the Dutch, German, Polish, Russian or Italian immigrants of the 18th and 19th century required to speak English to come here? Nope. Yet we see their descendents every day, driving around with bumper stickers reading; "Welcome to American, Learn English" and "Welcome to America, now Go Home."

Its asinine.

Jobs aren't stolen. They're either lost or given away.

Our federal, state and local governments and law enforcement agencies have better things to do than concentrate on the "Criminally Here."

We have people who are more concerned about illegal immigrants than they are about pedophiles, rapists, wife beaters and drug dealers. And if an illegal alien is also any of those things, I submit that it is his behavior rather than his status which is the problem. Yet the same people who accuse immigrants of such behavior are the ones who resist the efforts to provide them with identification.

Does no one think anymore?

And what about the effect the suggested mass-deportation would have on the economy, which is already in shambles? Oh... I forgot, Americans are lining up to be dishwashers, nannies, housekeepers, lawn-cutters and farm workers. Those highly desirable jobs have been stolen from the Americans who once took so much pride in them.

Gimme a break.

And please, don't anyone send me the skewed health care, crime rate and welfare numbers that are being bandied about these days. The true percentages are so strongly in favor of immigrants it'll make your head spin. Just take an afternoon and do some research, rather than believe everything that someone with an agenda tells you.

Oddly enough, the current immigration problem is totally of our own doing. Just like it was before and after the Mexican-American War. Just like it was during the initial waves of immigration from China. Just like it was during the initial waves of immigration from Eastern Europe and Japan. This is merely another spin of a cycle that has been running in this country since our inception; Those already here fear the changes the newcomers will bring. Eventually, through perseverance the newcomers get a toe-hold and are able to hang on through pure tenacity. Usually until another new group begins to threaten the status quo, at which point the previously outcast are brought into the fold to rage against the new ones.

What is history for if not to learn from? Yet we as a people seem unwilling or unable to do so on this subject.

Does any of this mean that I think anyone who desires citizenship should be allowed in with merely a thumb print and a signature? No. But there is no reason that the process need be so complex, time consuming and expensive. Especially for people who just want a better life for their family. We have no problem granting extensive visas to educators, scientists, intellectuals and professionals from other countries. Yet the family who dreams of a life outside of their one room shack (with no running water and a diseased well, in a village in a country with no hope of a better future) are deemed criminals by their mere presence within our borders.

Its sickening.
Its heartless.
And it insults our national heritage.

I submit that anyone who disagrees likely doesn't know their own family's immigration story, is ignorant of the history of immigration in America, subscribes to the politics of fear doctrine, and/or is just a plain old bigot.

This is the Land of Plenty, remember?

How can we claim to be the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, if we behave like citizens of the Land of the Indoctrinated and the Home of the Meek?

Think. Feel. Do. Be.

Do not merely follow.

Daytona 500

I've been a NASCAR fan for about 17 years.

This has forced me into many conversations with non-fans who just don't get it.

"It's just a bunch of rednecks turning left for 4 hours."

"NASCAR stands for Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks."

I've heard them all, and admit they're funny and partially accurate.

The thing is, I don't understand why I am expected to defend my appreciation of Stock Car Racing. Or even why I feel the need to explain it.

Anyone who says watching baseball is more exciting than watching a race must be high.

"He scratches his balls... checks the runner... grabs the rosin bag... adjusts his cap... foot on the rubber... checks the runner again... shakes off the first sign... shakes off the second sign... accepts the third sign... scratches his balls again... here's the wind-up... and the pitch... low and outside for ball one."

There's a minute of my life I'll never get back.

Basketball (hate it) and Football (love it) have time limits to keep the action moving... why not baseball?

Watching the machinations of some batters makes me want to shoot the TV. 10 seconds of ritual prior to every pitch? Can your cleats possibly have become packed with dirt in the last 4 seconds? Do you really need to cross yourself and kiss your necklace up to God for every pitch?

I've spent a lot of time over the years trying to explain my appreciation for auto racing to people who just don't get it. Its usually time wasted. Just like anyone telling me how exciting baseball is on TV would be a waste.

I suppose it comes down to a couple of things; I've been to races live, which is one of the most visceral experiences one can have. Perhaps I now transfer that experience into the races on TV. I know the smells, the thunder of the engines in my chest.

More than that - and this is the shortest explanation I can think of :

Consider you own car for a moment. Next, consider the fastest speed you've ever driven that car in tight traffic. What is that speed? 70 miles per hour? 80 at the most?

Remember, I'm not talking about the fastest you've ever driven when alone on the highway. I talking about the fastest you've gone when there was nowhere to go. Cars in front, back and on both sides. Consider driving in that situation among cars without brake lights or turn signals, and anyone might jig from lane to lane at any moment without notice.

Might that be a little bit stressful to do for 10 minutes?

Now increase the speed by more than double, up to almost 200 MPH - but maintain the same proximity to the cars around you.

Now do that for 4 hours.

In addition, consider the fact that you are running your car all-out the entire time.

Most of us do basic maintenance on our cars prior to a 2 hour trip at 60 MPH. When going to the beach for the weekend, as an example.

Consider running your own car full-throttle for 4 hours. How confident are you that every system in the car will survive the trip?

Are you able to recognize by feel when your left rear tire is exhibiting excessive wear?

Would you be able to perform at your best throughout the 500 full-throttle miles strapped into a five-point harness, full-face helmet strapped to the body of the car, without the ability to turn your head to look out the side windows?

Would you further be able to do all of this while enduring 120 degree temperatures?

I don't offer this quiz in hopes of building support for auto racing. Nor do I expect to change your mind about NASCAR in particular.

I'm just trying to offer a minimal insight into some of the things that drew me to the sport, and keep me tuning in week after week throughout the longest season in professional sports.

Think of the toughest guy you personally know, or pick your favorite tough-guy athlete.

Neither of them could compete in a NASCAR event at half the distance or speed.

Says something about the guys in the drivers seat of those gaudy-looking cars, don't you think?

... drive like an idiot.

As someone who spends a lot of time in my car – and even drove professionally for a time – idiot drivers might be my biggest pet peeve.

If you’re reading this and wondering whether you’re an idiot driver, you probably are. If you’re reading this and thinking “This isn’t about me… I’m an excellent driver… definitely an excellent driver”, you’re probably an idiot too.

If people cut you off all the time or if you feel like everyone on the road is out to get you – you’re an idiot driver.

Here’s the deal folks, you are NOT the only person on the planet.

The key to being a good driver is to become like a leaf in a stream. Most of you are boulders. If you learn to flow with the current, you will find that time spent in your car will become much more enjoyable.

I’m not referring to the speed with which traffic is flowing, although that is important. I am talking about not making a spectacle of yourself.

Being a smart driver is about more than being technically proficient with the pedals, switches and levers.

It has little to do with whether you talk on the phone.

However, if you text message while driving, you’re an uber-idiot.

Let’s get a few things out of the way right off the bat:

· The left lane is called the passing lane for a reason.
· The lines painted on the road and in parking lots are there for a reason.
· Turn signals matter. As does shutting them off.
· Corner gas stations are not short cuts.
· A yield sign means that if continuing forward will impede the progress of another driver, you are to STOP until such time that the coast is clear. It does not mean to let off the accelerator for a second and then blindly forge onward.
· A merge sign means that you are to match speed with the flow of traffic BEFORE joining the stream. Similar to a yield, your task is to avoid effecting the progress of other drivers.

Very few people seem to understand either the tricks or the etiquette for driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The first key is that the closer you follow the car in front of you, the worse the traffic jam will be and the longer it will last. Every time you brake hard or come to a complete stop, there is an accordion effect behind you. The first guy jumps on the binders a little faster and harder than you did, and so on down the line, which extends the jam further and further back. In fact, most jams are caused by someone jamming on the breaks unnecessarily when traffic is still flowing at speed.

Why do you stick to the bumper of the car in front of you when traffic is barely moving? I know, you’re afraid someone from an adjacent lane will cut in front of you if you leave any room.

So what if they do? You’ll get to work one car-length later?

There is no speed at which this is a viable argument.

The only time tailgating is permissible relates to item one in the above list; when some asshole has determined that the left lane is just the spot for a leisurely drive.

Even in such a situation, the tailgating should only last a few seconds. A good driver will recognize that you want to get by and will move aside at the first opportunity. Staying on their bumper when the right lane is crowded is pointless and dangerous.

The idiot will continue on for miles with your grill in their mirror. Don’t bother risking your life sending a visual message to the blind. You may be forced to pass on the right, always the more dangerous option, especially on a multi-lane highway.

If you are someone who is often passed on the right, you’re an idiot. Stop driving in the left lane.

Other than while sending a “move over” message to the highway pace car, at all times – and all speeds – you should keep enough room between you and the car in front to allow another car in.

At high speed, this allows others to slide over when they encounter slower traffic.

At low speeds, it allows you to release the gas pedal and let the engine’s compression slow you down without having to flash your brake lights at the car behind you – possibly causing him to extend the jam.

At any speed, it gives you the opportunity to react to sudden changes. The more room, the more options you have. If you’re too close, your only option is to mash the brakes and pray. With just a little more room, you might be able to steer to the side. Even if you end up off the road, you’ll likely be better off than if you slammed into the other car.

If everyone on the road were willing to leave just a little more room between cars, our traffic problems would be greatly reduced. It is a myth that jams are caused purely by volume. Most of them are caused by idiots. Think of the past fifty traffic jams you’ve been stuck in. How many of them had any discernable cause, like an accident or a disabled car? Ten, maybe?

That means the other forty were caused by idiots.

If it sets your mind at ease, most drivers are idiots. So if the things I’m saying are hitting a little close to home, you have plenty of company.

The typical rush hour jam is caused by a train of cars following too closely at speed. Perhaps the first guy sees brake lights a quarter mile ahead (the minimum distance you should be watching) and lets off the gas in anticipation… he is not the idiot. The second guy, who is already following too close panics when the other car suddenly gets closer, and hits the brakes. Upon seeing his brake lights, car #3 overreacts even more.

The pisser about this is, these first idiots remain clueless to the disaster unfolding behind them. After their initial tap of the brakes, they’ve continued on without further issues. Within a minute or two, due to the accordion effect – the cars a mile or so back suddenly find themselves at a dead stop.

Don’t block intersections when you’re stuck in traffic. Leave room for cross traffic to get through. And allow drivers from cross streets to join the misery if they’re indicating a desire to do so.

Take 5 seconds to back and fill if your first attempt at parking didn’t end with you between the lines. I personally think I should be within my legal rights to do physical damage to your car if it is straddling the line.

If you are one of the first 4 cars at a stop light, pay attention. Driver number 10 might actually get through on the green if you move your ass promptly.

If a light turns yellow before you reach the intersection, stop at the limit line.

If you’re not POSITIVE that you’ll make it through a congested intersection before the light changes, don’t try.

Give tractor trailer drivers a break. Signal well ahead of time when changing lanes in front of them, and don’t make the move until you’re well in front of them. Not only can they not stop as quickly as you, they can’t see the road right in front of them.

When a trucker signals a lane change in front of you, flash your hi-beams when he’s clear to move over. He’ll give a thank you flash of his trailer lights, and you will have helped clear the left lane for other drivers.

If you drive/ride a vehicle with loud exhaust, be considerate while driving through residential neighborhoods. Nobody is impressed when you burp the throttle at 2 in the morning and wake up their kid.

If you ride a bike and can’t be bothered to be considerate, you’re the reason people fight for noise ordinances. It is true that ‘loud pipes save lives’, but if you expect people to support the idea – stop being a dick.

That’s it for now, but I have a feeling this is only the first in a series.

in progress

Let me take a moment to say that this blog is currently in its earliest stages of development.

Its title should not be considered as a set of shackles. I will often use this space just to spout-off and rant to my heart's content.

I am currently trying to figure out the best way to add links to my favorite sites and friends. Keep your eyes on the sidebar. Today I added the Helium graphic-link to my "about me" page on that site. My intention is to link that to my articles. For the time being; there is a tab on the page you're linked to titled "articles". Click on that to read my stuff.

I have several ideas percolating for my next How Not To... stay tuned, the next should be up within a few days.

I also want to go on record as saying that Keith Olberman is destined to become one of the most important voices in American political reporting history. Big ol clanky brass balls, combined with concise thoughts and a charismatic demeanor equal my current TV hero.

"You, sir..."

...approach a remodeling project

So you've finally had it, huh?

The avacado-green cabinets and red floor in the kitchen have set your teeth on edge since the first time you looked at the house, but the price and the school district were right. So you moved in with the ambitious plan that the kitchen would be a contemporary showcase in no time.

Or maybe you just can't stand the outdated fixtures in the bathroom, or the cat-pee stains on the hardwood floors in the guest room.

Whatever your specific remodeling concern is, I bet you feel pretty confident that you can handle it yourself, right?

Contractors are a bunch of shysters, after all.

Tradespeople are drunks, drug addicts and criminals - otherwise they would have made the smart choice like you did. That guy in the pickup truck you saw in the 7-11 parking lot the other day. He seemed like a decent enough guy, gave you the last parking spot and all. But what's with all the tattoos? If he'd played his cards right - like you did - he could have his own cubicle, too. Replete with dangling-kitty poster and everything. Poor guy.

And he seemed perfectly comfortable even though his boots were caked with mud, his knuckles had fresh blood on them and he was covered in an even film of wood dust. And let's be honest, he smelled like sweat. So sad that some people have to live that way, isn't it?

You watch TLC, HGTV, DIY and "Extreme Makeover" on ABC. That Ty Pennington sure is a firecracker, isn't he? All of those folks always get the job done on time and within budget. And they always look so GOOD. Nice and clean.

You've watched the other shows, too. The ones where people who have been renovating houses for decades honestly try to explain how the job should be done. Doesn't look so hard, does it? Everything tied up in a nice neat package in 21 to 42 minutes.

While some of these shows are exceptional, and most do offer certain kernels of wisdom - they should not be considered, and are not intended to be training manuals.

Yet every month thousands of people across the country allow themselves to believe that by watching these shows, reading a book and doing a little internet research, they're capable of tackling whatever remodeling project they have in mind.

Let's say you're a computer programmer for an alarm company, and you meet me at a party. My muddy boots are at home on the porch, I've washed the drywall dust and glue out of my hair, and I've changed out of my work clothes. You have no idea what I do for a living, but I ask about your job. Once you've told me your occupation, I fly into a monologue about the computer program I'm getting ready to write. I've decided to side-step the alarm companies (they're just out for the profits, after all) and create my own home security system. A web site sells the hardware I need for a great price, and I found two books online that I'm sure will teach me all I need to know: "Computer Programming for A-holes" and "Residential Security for the Patently Stupid".

You try to explain that home security is not something to be trifled with. I am convinced of my ability. After all, if that geek on DIY can do it, I sure as hell can. You try again to encourage me to hire a professional to do the job. Again I resist and ask for your phone number so I can call you in a few weeks when the job is done. I want you to come over and look at the code I'm going to write. I've had a few beers and am obviosly not going to let the subject die unless you agree, so you give me your card. Sure enough, after a few weeks you get a call from me.

Only, rather than calling to brag about the amazing job I've done on my Security System - I'm calling you in to pull my ass out of the fire. I've spent way more money than I had budgeted for and nothing I've tried has worked. I bellyache to you that the books made it seem so easy, I can't imagine how I could be SO STUPID as not to be able to create, program and build my own security system. My wife is at her wit's end. She'd wanted to hire a professional from the beginning. I'm nearly out of money and I really need your help. As a friend - we've met once at a party when we were both pretty hammered - I'm hoping that you might be able to help me out.

Which means I want you to fill in the hole I dug for myself. I want you to do it on your time off, and most importantly, I want you to do it for free. Well, I'll give you pizza and beer.

I can't rebuild an engine in a weekend. I can't run the HR department at a Law firm. I can't perform Arthroscopic surgery.

These are all tasks I am capable of performing, yet I can't do a single one of them. Why do you suppose that is? Could it be that I lack the education, training and experience?

If you are commited to tackling a remodeling project on your own, go for it. I'm not writing this How Not To in an effort to talk you out of it.

I'm only trying to point out the pitfalls in my roundabout way. I've lost count of the jobs I've done over the years that resulted from a homeowner trying to go it on their own. In every case the job cost at least double what it would of had I been the first one there.

Undoing is more expensive than doing.

Start small. Get a feel for your tools and materials. If you've never replaced a faucet, you're not ready to plumb that new addition. If you've never installed a new ceiling fixture, you're not ready put in a new circuit breaker.

And for God's sake, if you don't know which walls are load-bearing, put down the freakin' Sawzall!

A well-done remodel can not only make your house into the home you've always dreamed of, it will increase it's market value, too.

If you are anything like 99% of the country, your home is your single largest investment, and your car is a distant second. Yet you're probably more willing to risk damaging the former with your amateur experimentation than you are the latter.

A remodeling project is not something to be entered into lightly. Especially if you are considering doing it yourself. Do some research. Take some classes at the local community college.

Most contractors' profit and overhead only equals 15 to 20 percent of the total job cost. Is it really worth saving that amount just to say "I did it myself"? Especially when the quality of your work is likely to be substandard - and noticeable to any home inspector or Realtor during a walkthrough?

These are all things to think about.

If you just really want to get your hands dirty and make your house your own by doing the work yourself, I applaud you. You are not the audience this post was written for. As I said in my opening, this post is directed to the folks out there who think an outdated kitchen defines them. The people who just can't stand the fact that their friends have shiny brand new surfaces in their homes, and feel a need to keep up with the Jones'.

If you are in that group, look in the mirror and admit it to yourself. Consider that you are rushing a very important decision out of vanity. Consider that your experience likely doesn't translate to the task at hand. If you're considering doing the work yourself because of the double-whammy of a low budget combined with an inability to delay gratification - you're on a very dangerous path.

The "easy" remodel is a mythical beast, it doesn't exist. Every remodel creates discomfort, dust, dirt, inconvenience, noise and worry for the homeowner. Doing the work yourself adds a slew of other concerns to that list.

What will you do if you tear down the old plaster and find black mold growing in your walls? What if you discover termite damage? Do you know where the gas lines are running? Where is the valve to the water main? What happens if you strain your back loading the drywall and can't go to work? Suddenly you've got a demolished kitchen and no paycheck. These are the type of issues you need to consider.

So. What not to do when approaching a remodeling project?

Don't think its as easy as it looks. That filthy guy at the 7-11? As hard as it may be to believe, he's very good at what he does. He's worked long and hard to get there. He works for people who could buy and sell you with just the money in their checking account, and they consider him a friend. Most of his waking hours are spent creating dream homes for people who were either smart enough to realize that the job was beyond their skill-set, or called him after they'd dug themselves a hole they couldn't climb out of. He won't judge you for the mistakes you've made if you need to call him in. And when he spies the "Remodeling for Dummies" book on the shelf in the garage, he'll only chuckle a little bit.

After all, if you've called him - you've learned it isn't a job for dummies.